My comfy couch on the Internet. Knitting, kitties, family, etc. Powered by coffee.

Oct 13, 2010

I'm tired of death

Today, a dear friend (who I've never met in person, but that's beside the point) became a widow. Brutally, cruelly - her husband collapsed and could not be revived. She is far away from me and all I can do for her is send love by way of electronic communication. It is inadequate and frustrating.

Today, the Make-A-Wish Foundation brought a child with terminal cancer into our store for a shopping spree; this was her wish. She got scrapbooking supplies, enough to preserve a lifetime of memories. Except she won't have a lifetime. Her family was gathered around her, presenting her with ideas and options, and I followed along, mostly silent, taking the items and offering a few that I thought might appeal to her. It was heartbreaking.

Today, I am tired of death. Tired of loss, of pain, of the suffering of those who are left behind suddenly and those who are waiting for the day they will be left by the ones they hold dear. I am tired of how death paralyzes my emotions and makes me full of fear and dread for the time when more of the people I love will also leave me.

Intellectually, I know death is a certainty. It's unavoidable, regardless of who or where you are. Death does not discriminate on any basis whatsoever; to believe that death chooses and punishes with malice is to believe that there is an alternative. A fool's belief. Today, I would like to be that fool.

2 comments:

Modestshaylin said...

Is it ever fair? In my experience so far (in my whole 26 years), it hasn't been fair. Too many things left unsaid, undone, and behind.

And, on an OT note, why don't you have more followers, girlie?! You are brilliant!

Kit said...

Thanks so much for your note, hon, it means a lot to me. As for followers - well, this is just a place to put down things that are on my mind, beyond the Twitter/Facebook world. I used to check obsessively if anyone was reading and commenting, and that's crazy-making! But again, thanks.